How To Take A Joke
by Smackalicious
Summary: Gee, thanks. It's so nice to know I'm so highly regarded among my colleagues. [McGee and Ziva friendship. Written for the NFA road rage challenge.]


**Title: How To Take A Joke  
Rating: G  
Category: Humor  
Genre: Gen  
Word Count: 1,101  
Pairing: No real pairing, McGiva if you want it  
Warnings: None. I just like Ziva talking about sex . . .  
Summary: Gee, thanks. It's nice to know I'm so highly regarded among my colleagues.  
Spoilers: None.  
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.  
Author's Notes: Written for the road rage challenge at NFA. The italicized parts towards the end are kinda McGee's thoughts or things he says under his breath. Sections with ellipses (". . .") mean there's a pause in the conversation. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.**

* * *

"Ziva, would you please watch where you're driving? It wouldn't hurt to slow down a little, too."

"I can drive without instructions from you, McGee."

"Ow! Stop hitting me! All I said was . . ."

"_Now _look! There's an accident, no thanks to you."

"_What_?! How do you suppose I was the cause of that accident?"

"Fine. You didn't _cause _the accident, but if you hadn't been nagging me, I would have been able to bypass the entire scene."

"Ziva, there's no way we would have avoided that. I don't suppose you know of a better way to get back to NCIS? I knew I never should have let you drive . . ."

"McGee, if you were driving, we'd still be back at the crime scene!"

"Which would be better than sitting on the highway, waiting for the local cops to clear an accident."

"Ahh . . ."

"Ziva . . . Ziva! Where are you going!"

"We are law enforcement agents as well, no?"

"Yeah, but . . ."

"Then I can easily persuade one of those hunky officers to let us pass through."

"_Hunky_?"

_Minutes later . . ._

"Well?"

"We'll be back to NCIS in no time at all, my little worrytoad."

"It's wart, Ziva, worrywart. And now exactly did you manage to convince them to let us through? You didn't threaten to kill them or use some sort of Mossad torture on them, did you?"

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know, McGee."

"Ow. Please don't pinch my cheeks, Ziva."

"You are no fun. Tony was right about that. You are simply a bore."

"Gee, thanks. It's nice to know I'm so highly regarded among my colleagues."

"I do not understand why you take everything so seriously all the time. This is just driving, work is just work . . ."

"Ziva, we work for the federal government. I'd say that's something to take seriously."

"Well, yes, I suppose you are right about that. But that is not my point. You have yet to take a joke . . ."

"I can take a joke . . ."

" . . . especially when it is related to sex, yes?"

"Maybe I just don't find my sex life relevant to my co-workers."

"Oh, McGee, but are we not friends? Do you even have any friends outside of NCIS?"

"Okay, now that's just mean. You sound like Tony."

"McGee, I am just curious. You hide so much from us, and I do not know why. We are your friends – yes, even Tony – and we would like to be let in on your life outside work once in awhile."

"There's not much to tell, Ziva. Not much I would tell you guys, anyway."

"Is your life really that embarrassing that you must hide it from us all? I'm sure you tell Abby what you do outside work . . ."

"Well, that's different."

"How so?"

"Abby's just . . . Abby. She can get _Gibbs _to open up to her. Why wouldn't I tell her about myself? Besides, she doesn't make fun of me for liking computers or playing role playing games."

"Anyone in their right mind should make fun of you for your games, Elflord."

"See? That's why I don't say anything to you or Tony. Everything's a joke to you."

"Oh, McGee, you need to lighten up. If you were able to take a joke, and perhaps even harass us back, then you would find life at work much more enjoyable than it currently is."

"Who says I don't enjoy my job?"

"I never said that. I simply said you could like it even more than you already do. Having a cameraderie with your co-workers can make work less dull, more entertaining."

"But we're at work to work."

"McGee, who works all the time when they're at work?"

"Uh, I do?"

"You see, that is why it is so easy to pick on you. It is a vicious circle, Timothy . . ."

"Please don't call me that."

" . . . and if you don't change your ways, you will find yourself taken advantage of more times than you care for. Do you see what I am saying?"

"I guess. But I don't see why I should change who I am and start acting like Tony just to make work more fun. I'm really not eager to be head-slapped by Gibbs every five minutes."

"Not even Gibbs works all the time. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if Tony got a little teasing back."

"I don't know. Gibbs is pretty scary, Ziva."

"Gibbs is nothing."

"Right. Of course, I'm not an international assassin, so I would be a little worried about him."

"Think about this, Tim. If Gibbs did not want you around, did not feel you worthy of his team, then you would not _be_ on his team. I would not be so terrified of him."

"I'm not _terrified_, Ziva."

"Whatever you say."

". . ."

". . ."

"Why are you so curious about my sex life, anyway?"

"I never said I was curious about _that_."

"I beg to differ. You and Tony are constantly ragging on me about if I have a date or the last time I had sex. It just makes me wonder."

"Oh, so now you think I would just like to know because I would like to be involved, yes?"

"Involved? As in, involved in my sex life?"

"Yes. That _is _what you are thinking, is it not?"

"I-I guess . . ."

"Hmm. Then you are not as oblivious as you seem."

"Thank you – I mean, what?!"

"I cannot believe you never noticed it before."

"_Please let us be close to NCIS, please let us be close to NCIS . . ._"

"And now, we are alone, and I could easily have my way with you. It would not be hard, since I am, as you said, an international assassin, and I could easily kill you if you didn't comply."

"_Ohgodohgodogod, drive faster, Ziva._"

"I really have always wanted to seduce a co-worker. I thought it would perhaps be a fun experience."

"_Please tell me we're almost there._"

"But that will have to wait until another time."

"_Thank God_."

"It really is a shame, too, McGee, because I am now very much, how do you say it, in the mood, and _you _are obviously not. I could always go find one of those hunky police officers . . . Or maybe I'll just go find Tony . . ."

". . ."

". . ."

"Hey!"

THE END!!!


End file.
